life goes on

Keep and throw

2012-01-31T09:45:00.000-08:00

Choices have to be made, one person cant own too many things, one person cant be so greedy. There stages in life that you shall not restrict yourself to anything, there is no such thing as exposure to too much things, as everyone is still discovering their path. However, there is a time where people shall move into a stage that choices have to be made, and certain things have to be given up, as life goes on, things are getting harder and no one can handle too much things at the same time, pick those you have the most passion and ability. Seems i extend the discovery stage too long, in fact, i delayed the stages. While people were discovering, i closed myself; when it is time to start making choices, i was just starting to discover. Well, it's time to gave up something, or else i can't reach both ends.
Make choices on things, not people. Appreciate every person that entered your life, never have any thought on choosing who to stay, who to leave, even if they hurt you, because it will never goes your way. No one can act the way you desire always, everyone makes mistakes, no one could stay in your life forever, every friends have a day to part, but the relations always stay, if u never choose to eliminate them. Never choose who to help, help anyone as long as you have the ability to and it's the right thing. People may not give a return, people may not appreciate your deed, people may turn their back on you, but those never hurt, it was your expectation that hurts.

can i kill myself?

2012-01-26T07:22:00.000-08:00

Tai ChU hOng!!! What are you doing!!! You think you're so good?!! you think you don't need to work hard? How are you going to live with an attitude like that? When are you going to learn? When are you going to change? When are you going to throw your pride away? I felt like slapping you to death.... please... don't behave like that anymore... you're not a kid anymore, time to take life seriously...

my limit

2011-11-30T10:37:00.000-08:00

Felt that i am exceeding my limit. Cant really do anything well. Thank god for always humbling whenever i was about to be carried away.
Had determine to serve god, but had struggled long, for nth bt my own fear... but at least i got a chance now.i shall be bringing ppl to god, bt cant find a way. Its hard to talk such thing to others, especially ur friends and loved ones, while they are those you care the most, and you want them to share god's love the most.
Relationships are a bunch of messes too. I am further apart from my family aond friends. Had no clue on my love life, well its not sth i could plan of. perhaps i still have some unsettled business with it, which was not properly cleared last time, well i cant do anything with it anymore...
my academic performance was a mess too. had been giving shitty work recently. really doubt whether i could i be a competent pharmacist in less than a year time... most of my friends are starting on their planning on career, business , entrepreneurship, whatever.... i seemed so noob on that... really doubt could i even survive the future...
sponsorship things are messes too, left it for long time dy. should be more responsible on that. what kind of shitty head is me? maybe its not really in my ability.
too much shitty to be talked, it woould take days.... just stop here, conclusion, FML

Sorry

2011-11-06T09:49:00.001-08:00

honestly, i don't want a second chance, even if i could... It wasn't the same anymore... All i need is a chance to say sorry, and seems i lost that chance again too... No one is replacable, and no one is replacement for another... Don't try to replace it with a similar 1, that will piss me off... Its not a thing that could be made a joke

worthless

2011-10-04T11:20:00.000-07:00

i felt like fool for doing all this... kinda worthless to do such thing, who cares about it? don't dream of changing the world in such a way... i don't need any reward... i just hope people to be a fool like me, that's the only way i would felt being appreciated... ridiculous right???

lost, again

2011-09-29T08:51:00.000-07:00

i am really frustrated, i don't like being in this stage.... i felt really restricted to do anything, my abilities are so limited. Its the time to stop being dependent on others, but still not able to do so; its the time to find your own position and make some impact on others, but still are not sure are you giving a good impact and people just won't listen to you. felt do helpless its the darkest age i think, and i can't wait for it to pass, time please run faster...

not discrimination, yet...

2011-09-19T06:33:00.000-07:00

The number is small, but the gap is getting bigger, as people are fighting for their own bunch , superior to the benefit of all, ignoring others. They thought this is unity, no it's stupidity, discrimination, or maybe racism. They are holding strong to their own opinion, not because they think it's the best for all, they just want their opinion to stand out.... They thought this is principled, no it's selfishness, childishness, self-centered. Don't complain that the world is selfish, racist or discriminative.... It all started in that small population, you had been a part of it, instead of stopping it, you made it a practice, then it spreads to the world, and you are saying that the world is so cruel

我心中尚未崩坏的地方

2011-08-24T11:33:00.001-07:00

幸运的孩子爬上了殿堂
成果代价都要品尝
单纯的孩子是否变了样
跟著游戏规则学著成长
跟著节奏我常迷惘

当人心变成市场当市场变成战场
战场埋葬多少理想
回想著理想微薄的希望
走著钢索我的刚强

伟大和伪装灰尘或辉煌
那是一线之隔或是一线曙光

期待著彩虹所以开了窗
窗外只有灼热闪光
所谓的彩虹不过就是光
只要心还透明就能折射希望

每个孤独天亮我都一个人唱
默默的让著旋律和我心交响

就算会有一天
没人与我合唱至少在我的心中
还有个尚未崩坏的地方

其实我们都一模一样
无名却充满了莫名渴望
一生等一次发光
至少在我的心中自己为自己鼓掌

孩子一样不肯腐烂的土壤

By 五月天　阿信

谦卑

2011-08-10T08:49:00.000-07:00

谦卑与谦虚不同，谦虚乃一种处人待事的态度，不愿在人前夸耀自己的长处，愿意虚心向人请教；谦卑乃一种心态，不必显露给谁看，就是单单面对自己时，还愿意把自己放在很低的位置，承认自己的渺小，无论自己有多大的能耐，成就，财富，地位，或知识，愿意掏空自己，从零开始。。。谦虚很重要，它能让你受大家的喜爱，受大家尊重。所谓三人行必有我师焉，谦虚能让你找到许多老师，学得更多。。。谦虚，许多人都做到了，谦卑呢？谦虚而不谦卑，那叫虚伪。。。你无法把水倒进一个满的杯子，唯有谦卑的人，才能像那干海绵一样，把周围的事物都吸收了。这种快速吸收的能力，靠的不是天赋，是谦卑。。。许多人在面对新事物，总是抗拒，很“谦虚”的“放下自己”，总说自己不是那块料，学不来。。。这真是谦虚吗？面对新事物，是从零开始，放胆去学，无论结果如何，都没损失。这些人真厉害，能未仆先知的预测自己学不来，这是自大，还是虚伪？或是把自己看得太高，万一失败了，无法面对那挫折感，所以选择不尝试，留着那份还未失败的优越感；或是死要面子，怕失败了被人笑？要学会谦卑，它不会让你失去自信，它能你有不怕失败的勇气，爬得越高，跌得越痛，能把自己放在低的位置，不是不会跌到，是让你不怕跌到，更重要的是，跌了不怕再爬起来。。。人总是要经过一次次的跌到和爬起，才能成长。。。

犯贱

2011-08-02T07:38:00.000-07:00

我就是犯贱，我就是放不下，那又怎样？与其他人无关，你又不会少条毛。。。别问我还要用多久时间，我不懂，虽然真的过了很久。。。别来帮我，因为没人帮得上忙; 别来劝我，那只是徒劳。。。这是我的问题，我自己解决，虽然有时真的快受不了。。。

nonsense

2011-07-27T07:34:00.000-07:00

wonder why suddenly i want to buy so many things, i want a basketball (i never bought 1, felt weird too), i want a new guitar, i want a smartphone, i want new formal clothes, i want a printer, i want a hard disk, i want a set of nice speaker, i want to buy glucosamine for my mum, i want to buy a pair of basketball shoes for my brother, i want to buy...bla bla bla... hmmmm.... wonder why these things come to my head at this moment, where i am really broke... T.T

情为何物? lol

2011-06-20T08:38:00.001-07:00

有人对我说,谈恋爱嘛...那份感情顶多耐个三四年,之后新鲜感就不在了,一就是分开,还会在一起的不过是因为那分责任感,那个承诺,根本没什么感情可言了...
我想说,若那分感情是那么短暂,在一起那么委屈,那谈恋爱来干嘛?充面子?怕给人笑?妈妈叫的?
其实,不管多枯燥乏味,却还愿意扛起那分责任感,守着那个承诺,是因为什么?不就是那分感情吗?真正的happily ever after,其实不过如此...是人放不下自我,有太多不切实际的期待,期待爱情能给自己些什么回报.渐渐的,就失望了,倦了.恋爱中,爱的不是恋爱的感觉,更不是新鲜感,是对方...要记得是因为爱对方,才谈恋爱;不是要谈恋爱,才爱对方

my third year

2011-05-13T10:06:00.000-07:00

can't believe i am concluding my third year.... because previously i thought it was stupid... haha

stepping into final year already, time flies!!! and gonna going to start my career soon... that makes me to appreciate my life as a student more than ever..

My third year was very different from the previous two years, had decide to stay outside in my final year in the beginning of third year, thus had no stress in whatever i do in college, i can join or do anything that i love only, and it's totally enjoyable although sometimes it seemed quite irresponsible. but, in return, i made less friends i think, i stayed in room more than ever... is was not that i don't want to socialize, but i can't really find any method to mix around with the juniors, there were less activities for me to get along with them reasonably i think. i am not the kind of people who can easily talk or mix with strangers in a short time and without any occasion that makes making friends seemed so natural... i am still the same after so many years, can't change it forever i think, haha.. maybe it would be better if i did not decline the offer to be a PM..

My third year was also the first time for the pharmacy department to allocate us in various lecture halls for classes instead of the seminar rooms in the department. That further deplete my chances to know my course juniors i think. well, i was known as a "phantom" senior in the orientation since i had been a senior, because i was lazy to wait and stay long after the class... Besides, i had never like my course's orientation, either as the being orientated junior or the orientating senior... Ya, it is undeniable orientation is necessary for every freshies of any disciplines, because it is always the best way to let seniors and juniors to get know of each other, and the most important part, it prepares the freshies with a right attitude and mind to learn whatever needed to be a professional in the field, and letting them to understand the role of their profession in the society. i don't think my course's orientation fulfilled these objectives, in fact, i really doubt is there anyone who understand these objectives... For the orientators, some were doing this because of the seniors' urge, some just want to show off their own capabilities, some just want to keep their noble and dominating "inheritance" which is totally bullshit. the seniors were joining it because they were targeting their little buddies, some were targeting for "mates", some just want to watch a show; the juniors were joining because of they had no choice, as they were frighten always with the word "buddyline", where if they skipped orientation, they wouldn't be recognised as a junior, which means the seniors would boycott them, they will have no buddyline, and won't have seniors notes and guidance... totally stupid. Having the thought to be an orientator during my late first year, but how would you do something that you are totally disagree with? and that time i do not know how would i correct it, and i know i don't have the ability to... regretting now for not having a try...

anyway, third year was the year i had the most buddy gatherings, had never felt so close with my buddies, once i felt this buddy line thing was so meaningless and stupid, but now i felt so warm with my buddies, i love you all!!!!! muackss

a hard part of third year was to separate with my medical student friends, as they were moving to klang... they were great friends where i had a lot of f
un with, and learnt a lot from... well, they are coming bk next year, it won't be long

The most unexpected and funny thing in the whole third year was i had been the director of Pharmily Day. It was funny because i had not truely participate in the previous Pharmily Days, not even once, thus i don't really know what is it all about. And i can't imagine myself as a director, leading or guiding people.. and i hate talking in front of people. don't have any motivation to do this thing, because i don't see the point or meaning of doing it, and it seems no one like it or need it, making no difference between doing it or not, but still forced to do it... this kind of feeling really sucks.. the turning point happened when once i was doing some paperwork in the department office regarding pharmily day, where a staff( i had never seen him before) came to me and said he likes pharmily day very much, and gave me some words of encouragement... wow, at least there are someone who appreciate our work. i was thinking, how meaningful or significant an event is actually dependent on the people who run it and the participants... we have no choice but continue to do this event, rather than wasting time complaining how stupid and meaningless it is, why don't we try to make it meaningful? the event maybe small, the event may not be a charity program that helps the needies, but it is really a good way to bring everyone close together and a chance to let everyone have fun, thus it would be meaningful if we run it well. from a chinese proverb, "do not refuse to do a good thing because it is not big enough". that gave me strength to continue... so from that day i was trying to change people's perception towards it, i don't know whether i had succeeded, but at least i try... too many things that we can't change abruptly, and sure it would cause disatisfaction among people... the event came and it runs smoothly, no big problems occured. Seemed every had fun that time, credits would surely goes to my batchmates who organize it so nicely, and also the crazy final year seniors who bring so much colours to the event... really thank them a lot!!! after the event, compliments were flying to us... everyone said it was a success. i am a weird person, i appreciate the compliments but i don't really like them, i was hoping to hear any negative comments because that's how you learn. And too much good words seemed fake, i like people to be honest to me, bad words won't hurt me, consolation and fake compliments do. some people may say it's over, no point comment so much on it, as it won't make a difference... ya, the event maybe over, but your life goes on, it doesn't end with the event. the mistakes done in the event would let you learn precious lessons which are helpful for your whole life, it was just a process or stage of growing up. so i had taken a long time to figure out whether the event was successful, and honestly till now i still have no idea about it. Did the event really brought a good impact to those involved which is permanent? is everyone really closer to each other after the event? Did someone really learnt something from it? will it be a memorable 1 for everyone? i don't know... But at least i did get something from it... at least i got a chance to learn to talk in front of people, which i hated so much but now get used to it already. and i found it was not hard to do an event, the hardest part is to bring people together, to convince them and to instill the passion and spirit to them, when people get together with a same goal and thought, the strength is not imaginable, and impossible is nothing, we could change the world!!!! "An employer cares for his employees because that brings him profit, a leader cares for the outcomes because this benefits his followers". would you be a employer or a leader? in this case, i was neither both, i was just a coordinator, which coordinates people who are great leaders to themselves to do things. I don't hope anyone to see Pharmily Day 2010 as my event, because it belongs to everyone in the Pharmily.... 1 last story before ending on this part, at the day before Pharmily Day 2010, one of my batchmate came and wish me good luck for "my event", honestly i was hurted, because this showed i had failed as a director, as i had failed to instill a sense of belonging to them... anyway, it's just a process a learning, it's good that i know what i had not done enough.

Again, i was in the college basketball team, this time with the role as the ex-captain. actually it was indifferent with other ordinary players, just i had to give more support and help to my captain, trying to be the "invisible hero", who is trying to get players to follow the captain's words, trying to make the trainings more enjoyable, trying to create a harmony atmosphere in the team, trying to cover the things that is not supposed to be done by the captain but is beneficial to the team. i hope i've done well, and hope i don't stressed the captain too much, and really sorry for hard words. It was great this year because we finally have some proper trainings and style of plays. first time learning basketball strategies, which is confusing but nice. first time having so much team yumcha sessions, which is fun. Too bad we lost in a really bad way... Really emo after losing, because i rarely had my team winning since i played, and i had never owned a medal. Well i started late maybe... hoped i had started playing basketball earlier. that day, i really felt losing all my passion, and wanted to stop playing. In fact, i had later found out i had never really lost my passion, it was the burning passion that gave me the disappointment.

Had try to play hand ball in SUKMUM this year, it felt great, but again, we lost.... haiz, wonder why every team i played for would always loses.. very surprise that got people ask to join the UM handball team... Hmmm, too bad i refused... it was really not my game. anyway, a very good experience indeed, would play again next year if given the chance again.

The october of my third year was so busy, all the presentations, assignment due dates, pharmily day, SUKMUM.... and i felt so empty after these things ended... hahaha... because for these things, i had refuse to go outings with my friends and coursemates so many times and i had used to the days without outings, and i suddenly don't know what to do to fill the free times, haha...Then, there comes the longest study weeks ever, 3 weeks, and the most boring holiday ever... i spent whole month at home doing nothing, can't believe i can live like that.

there comes the second semester, where once again i don't understand how could i being selected as the class rep... well, at least for this i am not skipping classes anymore... that's the good part i think... and i hope i had done good enough in help my coursemates...

First time playing basketball in NPSC, being the captain again... I can't resist the temptation when people ask me to play, at least now i realised my passion is still there... this time, most of my teammates were playing in a real game for first times. first time i was the most experienced 1 in a team and i really need to guide them. I hope i had done a better job than the last time i had been a captain. don't really have time and facilities for training, so again we lost..... sad... anyway it was fun. first time I had the chance to play Outside of UM, got the chance to visit USM, which is far more beautiful than UM, and thanks zutang for bringing us to so much place with so much delicious food in penang. 15 years old was the age when i first touched a basketball, and i had only started playing in a formal game at 18, during matriculation... i started really late compare to many, but later on i was madly in love with this game. i had played other sports before, which once badminton was my first choice game, but later on i found i love basketball the most, because unlike badminton, i dun feel lonely on the court... lol... my basketball "career" might have only 1 year left, as after graduating, most probably there won't be any chance to play in a formal game, and maybe won't have much time to play as a recreation too... Hmmm, life would be really bored without basketball... In fact, i had not been playing for quite a long time since NPSC, it felt like losing a big chunk of myself.... i guess my passion towards basketball will always stay, it's in my blood.. hoping to share this passion to others, sharing the happiness it had brought to me, and also the qualities embedded in this game, sportsmanship, discipline, teamwork， persistence....

Had the first ever coursemate trip ever, in the asian water sport park... it was great!!!!! hope we'll have more of these... but in fact, i felt quite far from my coursemates this year, i had been doing different things from them alone, the number of outings and trips with them reduced... the good word will be independent, harsh word would be isolated... haha... i am not blaming anyone, well everyone have their own life and preferences...

with reduced numbers of day time outings, i had numerous times of suppers and teatime sessions outside, usually due to spontaneous ideas of my roommates and neighbours, and we ate all kinds of food for, bakuteh, nasi lemak, curry wantan mee, durians, chops and steaks, KFC, McD, etc... too much to be all listed... that made me fat and broke, haha..

for the academic part, entering third year the things learnt now seems to be more relevant to my career, which are intersting... more applications and more practicals... and i love to have lab sessions as it is fun and i like to play... but sometimes it had been stressful when it comes to marking... anyway, trying to enjoy the practicals as much as i can... had been inspired by quite a number people's career as a pharmacist... prof ian wong, a hong kong born professor who is now living in UK would be the one whom i specially remembered... he came to give a talk, and i could really felt his passion as a clinical pharmacist, how he feels the pain of his patient, and how much he cares for his patients . That gave me quite a big motivation to continue my studies, as i know my career can make my life meaning, and i can give a impact to the world. that motivates me more than telling me how much money i can earn... anyway, my results still suck...

that's a brief summary of my third year... it would not be a complete 1,as my memory is limited, anyway i hope i did not misss any important part...

i am bad

2011-04-27T09:24:00.000-07:00

Had ignored my both phones for such a long time, just taken a look and found three missed calls, all from parents, made 3 hours ago.... Not going to call back, they must had fallen asleep... Had forgotten the last time i heard their voice. In fact, i had never phoned them, it was always they were calling... Very weird that i always have nothing to talk with them, and each time they called, it only lasts for 2-3 minutes... Rarely having activities with them, movies, outings, shopping, vacations... Can hardly remember any of these that i had went together with them... rarely had any celebrations together with them, birthdays? father's & mother's days? anniversaries? can easily count the numbers of the celebrations we had together as it is really few... it had been like this throughout these years.. well, they are always busy, and i was not able to "organize" such activities at that time... maybe now i should really do something? i am a bad son huh?
Just knew from facebook, my brother is having a basketball game tomorrow... and the tournament had started for quite a long time... wow!!! really "early" for me to know it now... had been very late, not going to wish him good luck, in fact even if i knew it early, i am not going to wish him... i want to but really hard to speak out those words, even your own family, it felt so ~~~~~~, hmmm hard to describe... actually its a lot more easier to say such thing to a friend compare to family... my brother is 8 years younger than me, hardly have a common interest and topic at the same time. Furthermore, facing a boy at his age of rebellion really is challenging your temper. In fact, we don't have much interaction too, i hope we have more, even if it is an argument. hmmmm, i am a bad brother huh?

是谁变了？

2011-04-15T04:54:00.000-07:00

千万个意愿想回去跟你们一起，我比谁都在乎这个群体，从来未想过你们在我心中占了如此重要的地位。。。从前一直把这看成一个负担，缠着我很不自在，一直等着机会逃脱，一走了之。走了才发现我其实不能少了你们，失去你们，生命就缺了一大块。。。从一开始被强迫加入，到后来慢慢建立起的归属感，与你们的回忆好坏参半，但总是那么难忘。。。是你们让我成长，是你们造就了今天的我，真的很谢谢你们，很感恩我曾是你们的一分子，这是上帝赐给我最大的恩典。。。很惭愧我没为你们做了什么，有时是心有余而力不足，其实多半是自己诸多借口，是自己任性，总觉得外面的生活精彩，不愿被束缚在那个鸟不生蛋的地方，才不愿回去；而且也不觉得你们需要我，回去也做不了什么。。。离开了你们这么久，你们也做得很好，而且更胜从前。。。
不懂你们还当不当我是你们的一分子，但请不要质疑我有多在乎你们，我也曾与你们一起苦过哭过，不当我是一分子我不怪你们，是我不好，但请别把我们之间的友谊也丢掉了。。。千万个意愿想从新与你们一起打拼，但我能感到你们的变化，变得冷漠，因该很恨我吧。。。我脸皮不够厚，不懂该怎么做。。。
能和你们一起的时光没剩多少，很对不起之前把一大段的时间浪费了，现在只希望能用我仅剩的少少时间禰补回去，如果还有机会的话。。。
你们是我的精神支柱，当我在这个乱世里放荡堕落时，是你们把我拉住了，不让我再陷下去，让我站稳我的立场。。
希望你们能继续作主衷心的仆人，继续造就其他人，好像你们造就我一样。。。当然，就算没有与你们一起，我承诺也会在自己的领域上造就他人，带着与你们一样的信念，一样的宗旨。。。

if time could rewind

2011-03-26T01:26:00.000-07:00

Easily falling into the past, always thinking that how good would it be if time could rewind.
Always thinking if i could get back to that time, i could take better measures, i wouldn't give it up so easily, i would start earlier.
if time could rewind, i could fill those emptiness and mistakes...
Too bad, i can't... should look forward instead...

weak

2011-03-02T05:01:00.000-08:00

yes i m weak...
what or who gave me those confidence all this time?
at least now i realise that i am weak,and it will take my pride away...
that's the only good thing i think...

doubts

2011-01-05T07:18:00.000-08:00

doubting the path i had chosen again after 1 and a half years.
i don't really like what i had chosen at the beginning,its all about the money,
but somehow being motivated as i realize how much changes i could make to the world by taking this path, how many people i could save.
Had been willing to bear this responsibility although it would be hard and need lots of sacrifices, but it makes my life a lot more meaningful.
so, i was so sure that i wanted what i had chosen for a period of 1 and a half years, despite marked declining results.
i never doubt my own ability, was so confident that it was my perspective that is differ from the authorities and my unwillingness to give up my stand caused the declining results. Or maybe the authorities were biased. Or there were too much things i had to take care which distracted me from doing well.
i am really doubting myself now. Am i on the right path? First time, i really tried hard with the least distraction and fullest preparation ever, but still get a shit...
sure i can continue this path with my current situation, my life is still secured, probably same with those did well, just lack of little pride.... it wont be a problem if it only affects myself, but in fact it is not. I am dealing with human's life.
besides, really hard to give up my pride, it drives me to do things...
Was thinking to change my path but it affects not only myself, too much things and people will be affected... i can't be so capricious, especially when i had a family that had been in a hard condition for years and needed me for a improvement.
Giving myself one last chance

rebellion

2010-12-18T11:36:00.001-08:00

he's not a small kid anymore, he can't be easily satisfied with a candy anymore,
he's not going to obey you, without a solid reason, sometimes even when the reason is obviously present
he starts to fight for what he think is right, although he hasn't truely know what's right and wrong,
he refuses to follow others, he wants to be different,
he's discovering himself...
well, everyone has to go through this stage...
May god fill me with wisdom to play my part in guiding him through this period...

Mr. Average

2010-11-30T08:52:00.000-08:00

Yes, i am describing myself...
Suddenly found that i am really average on everything,
well, i am really bad in many things, and at the same time can be better than many in some fields,
but had never been the best...
wonder is there any field that can let me feel myself as the best of all...
Losing myself again....
Arrgghhh.. i hate it!!!!
back to study....

还是会寂寞

2010-11-16T09:48:00.000-08:00

早已忘了想你的滋味是什么
因为每分每秒都被你占据在心中
你的一举一动牵扯在我生活的隙缝
谁能告诉我离开你的我会有多自由
也曾想过躲进别人温暖的怀中
可是这么一来就一点意义也没有
我的高尚情操一直不断提醒著我
离开你的我不论过多久还是会寂寞

烂泥

2010-10-26T11:20:00.000-07:00

我是烂泥扶不上壁。。。
是烂泥就回你的沼泽，学人爬什么墙壁。。。妈的

out of sight, out of mind

2010-09-24T10:19:00.000-07:00

found that i had lost contact with almost all my old friends, from primary schools to some university... Really, i am the "out of sight, out of mind" type, i wouldn't purposely contact those i wouldn't meet frequently just for keeping in touch.. i won't kacau u in msn, or call u in the midnight , or text u frequently... because sometimes i really have nth to say, and doing this made me felt myself vy annoying... haha... And i wouldn't take the initiative to ask people out, because i hardly find ppl with the same interest with me, they wouldn't enjoy it...
anyway, suddenly miss all my old friends very much.... miss the time we always hang out together.... would really appreciate it if we have the chance to be together like the old times...

hopeless

2010-08-19T23:54:00.000-07:00

simply hopeless for repeating the same mistakes;

Well, it doesn't make a difference actually, in fact it won't give much impact, i am still living...

just don't repeat it for another time...

self

2010-08-02T23:06:00.000-07:00

we are never alone living in this world, every people are related to each other, everything we do is influencing others, either directly or indirectly, with or without your intention ;

therefore it had been a responsible for human beings to serve each other, to help each other;

that's why we are divided into different professions, and we have our own role as a part of the world, so that we can serve others in a field while others will serve us back in any other fields;

This had been a mutual relationship between human beings since our existence, and this mutual relationship had taken a big role in survival and development of human's civilization;

That's the reason we lived, we are living for the world, not ourselves alone;

so, no matter who you are, or what you do,

REMEMBER, we are not doing this for ourselves, but for everyone else;

we may get benefits for serving others, but, REMEMBER, the benefits shall never be the main reason for us to do whatever we are doing, serving others is always the main part, benefits come afterwards, DO NOT make your priorities confused;

people living for themselves alone are pity, since they are lost, selfish , and foolish. They never really knew their purpose of living, they never grow, they are just a burden of the world. They may own everything, but had never realized it will be all gone one day. they may seemed happy and elated, but they never knew the real happiness.

However, while serving others, never ignore yourselves. we are neither superman nor superwoman, we need to live on, we should get what we deserve to get, so that we could continue to serve others..

we are living for ourselves, and to serve others..

get a balance between this two..

i have no time?!!!

2010-06-23T09:50:00.000-07:00

have no time to do anything,
have no time for sports, which once had been a daily routine for me;
have no time to discover new songs and music;
have no time to watch new movies;
have no time to have new songs played on my guitar;
have no time to updates the news about what's going on around me;
have no time to keep in touch with my old friends, or even recent friends;
have no time to learn new things;

and is which more ridiculous,
have no time to serve and be closer to god;
have no time to be spent with my family...

am i really that busy?
or i am just lazy?
or maybe i am too greedy, not willing to give up anything...

陈绮贞

2010-06-11T11:23:00.000-07:00

她 - 來自台灣。

出道十三年

創作專輯５張

創作單曲５張

創作歌曲超過５５首

出席綜藝節目０次

平均2年才完成一張專輯

以一支吉他和無限熱誠，默默貢獻音樂，感動樂迷…

最實而不華的方式

卻能展示真正的「華麗」…

她就是陈绮贞

有人说，她是天使，也是恶魔，
她的歌，是最伤人的歌，
她那甜腻的歌声，好像一把软刀子，轻轻的划过你每一寸肌肤，
起初时感觉没什么，但慢慢的，你会发现，
那把软刀子已刺穿你的每一个伤口，
无论是在淌着血的，结了瘀的，就要愈合的。。。
这时，你会感觉到无比的痛楚，甚至放声大哭。。。
但你却会感谢这把刀子，
感谢它每个伤口，都刺得那么深，那么用力，
你的痛，是多么真实，多么实在。。。
听她的歌，你平日藏在内心最深处的伤痛，
最不堪回首的一切，最不想面对的痛楚，
不但不能被抚平，还会被赤裸裸的摊开来，
也就是这样，她给了你面对这些伤害的勇气，给了你继续生活的动力。。
因为人活在世上难免会受伤害，总不能一直逃避。。

也有人说，她的歌太私密了。。。
像一个小女生，对着男朋友窃窃私语，
或许是在撒娇，或许是在倾诉些什么，
听她的歌，好像在偷窥一样，
会不好意思。。。XD

我听她的歌，没有很痛，也没不好意思。。。
慢慢细嚼歌中的一词一句，还是似懂非懂，
但总觉得它就像诗一般的美。。。
随着那别于一般的旋律流动，或许简单，怪怪的，
却如此清新。。
她的歌就是那么简单，那么深奥。。。
听她的歌会有共鸣，或许因为我们都是怪咔。。。
倒不如说是因为她的歌是出于真实的感受。。。

欣赏她的才华，能把她的心情篇制成一首首美丽的歌曲；
欣赏她的诚实，只唱她真实感受到的；
欣赏她的勇气，能不理外面再乱什么，也要坚持自己的理念。

她该是影响我最大的歌手吧。。。
她让我发现听歌是可以很深奥的；
她让我对生命有更深一层的体会；
她让我无时无刻都期待着她下一个未知的发片期；
她让我无论多穷多忙，都要花钱花时间收集完她的所有作品；

看她抱着把吉他，弹着唱着，就这样简简单单的，却让我如此陶醉。。。
还记得，就是她让我有一股冲动，要学会吉他，要弹完她所有歌曲。。。

Random

2010-06-10T07:45:00.000-07:00

started to miss you...

never thought i would....

Romance D'amour

2010-06-09T00:17:00.001-07:00

So determined to learn this song,

and i'll master it in one week,

u can test me anytime afterwards...XD

7--7--7--|7--5--3--|3--2--0--|0--3--7--|12--12--12--|12--10--8---|| e

-0--0--0-|-0--0--0-|-0--0--0-|-0--0--0-|- 0-- 0-- 0-|- 0-- 0--0--|| h

--0--0--0|--0--0--0|--0--0--0|--0--0--0|- -0- -0- -0|- -0- -0--0| g

---------|---------|---------|---------|------------|------------|| d

---------|---------|---------|---------|------------|------------|| a

0--------|0--------|0--------|0--------|0-----------|0 --- ------|| e

4/6B 6/6B

8--7--5--|5--7--8--|7--8--7--|11--8--7--|7--5--3--|3--2--0--|

-5--5--5-|-5--5--5-|-7--7--7-|- 7--7--7-|-0--0--0-|-0--0--0-|

--5--5--5|--5--5--5|--8--8--8|- -8--8--8|--0--0--0|--0--0--0|

---------|---------|---------|- --------|---------|---------|

0--------|0--------|---------|- --------|---------|---------|

---------|---------|7--------|7 --------|0--------|0-----3--|

___________________ __________________

1. B | |2. C |

2--2--2--|2--3--2--| 0--------|--------- || 0--------|--------|

-1--1--1-|-0--0--0-| -0--0--0-|-0--0--0-*|| -0--0--0-|-0---0--|

--2--2--2|--2--2--2| --0--0--0|--0--0--0 || --0--0--0|--0-----|

---------|------1--| 2--------|--------- || 2--------|--------|

0--------|2--------| ---2-----|--2------*|| ---2-----|---2----|

---------|---------| ------3--|0-----3-- || ------3--|0-------|

D 6/6B

4--4--4--|4--2--0--|---------|-------2-|9--9--9--|9--11--9--|

-0--0--0-|-0--0--0-|5--4--4--|4--3--4-0|-7--7--7-|-7-- 7--7-|

--1--1--1|--1--1--1|-2--2--2-|-2--2----|--8--8--8|--8- -8--8|

---------|---------|--4--4--4|--4--4---|---------|----------|

---------|---------|0--------|2--------|------9--|----------|

0--------|0--------|---------|---------|---------|7---------|

9--7--7--|7--9--11--|12--12--12--|12--11--10--|9--9--9--|9--7--5--|

-9--9--9-|-9--9-- 9-|- 9-- 9-- 9-|- 9-- 9-- 9-|-5--5--5-|-5--5--5-|

--9--9--9|--9--9- -9|- -9- -9- -9|- -9- -9- -9|--6--6--6|--6--6--6|

---------|----------|------------|------------|---------|---------|

---------|----------|------------|------------|0--------|0--------|

0--------|0---------|0-----------|0-----------|---------|---------|

___________________ ___________________

|1. E | |2. F |

4--4--4--|4--5--2--|0--------|-------02|| 0--------|---------|

-0--0--0-|-4--4--4-|-0--0--0-|-0--024--|| -0--0--0-|-0--02420|

--1--1--1|--2--2--2|--0--0--0|--0------|| --0--0--0|--0------|

---------|---------|---------|---------|| ---------|---------|

2--------|2--------|---2-----|---2-----|| ---2-----|---2-----|

---------|---------|0-----3--|0--------|| 0-----3--|0--------|

2--2--2--|2--3--2--|0--0--0--|0--2--0--|0--------|---------|

-0--0--0-|-0--0--0-|-1--1--1-|-1--1--1-|-0--0--0-|-0--0--0-|

--2--2--2|--2--2--2|--0--0--0|--2--2--2|--0--0--0|--0--0--0|

---------|1--------|---------|---------|---------|---------|

0-----2--|------2--|3-----2--|0--------|---2-----|---2-----|

---------|---------|---------|---------|0-----3--|0-----3--|

---------|---0----12---|| Touch the last three "12||'s easy, so you

---------|--0---12----------------------------------|| only get the harmonies.

---------|-0--12------------------------------------||

---------|2-----------------------------------------|| The melody starts at A and then you play

------2--|------------------------------------------|| BACDEAFG.

0--------|------------------------------------------||

yea... i'm a freak

2010-06-03T09:02:00.000-07:00

i'm a freak...
had realised that since i was a child,
as i had never been sociable in school,
as i always think differently from others,
act differently from them,
friends saw me in the same way,
and i had never found it shameful....
but life as a freak was never easy... :p

however after some time,
i started to consider myself as normal...
maybe i really had changed normal,
or maybe it was just my thought,
or maybe it was just a relative as there are freakier people around me...

recently,
found that i am a freak, again...
my thoughts, my stands, my favourites, my actions,
all seems so different from the others..

if the reason for a freak to be different is that,
he/she knows what is wrong and right,
and had realised that what usually people do,
or what people consider normal,
is actually wrong,
thus, resists to follow the others and act differently...
this freak is not just a freak, but a freak with wisdom and guidance,
or he/she should be named wise instead of freak...

if a freak acts as a freak for no reason,
he/she is just a freak,
another pity and lost person like the others,
just he/she had been living in his/her own world,
had not been able to get along with others...

suddenly felt so lost,
lost my guidance,
my priorities are not clear anymore,
not wiling to do anything, while there are so many important things for me to settle...

yea... i'm a freak

six strings

2010-05-26T06:59:00.001-07:00

Everyone knows, human cannot fly…
But since the first chord strummed, I had my first pair of wings…
With only six strings, thousands of emotions are carried within it,
Which every pluck and every strum penetrates my heart, like sharp needles,
Cut through my skin all over my body, like a soft dagger,
Leaving a pain, which is silent but yet so deep…
Thanks for walking me through my lonely nights,
whenever I couldn’t find someone to share my thought,
with you, I would never feel lonely…
with you, I had started dreaming,
with you, I learnt to discover the beauty and meanings of music,
with you, I had my fingers spoiled,
with you, I had my free time filled…
well, dream remains as dream, as I have to surrender to such many restrictions…
you are wide like an ocean, it takes my whole life to swim across you,
you are always kept as my private treasure , like a secret locked in my chamber,
not to be shared with others, totally owned by myself…
will there be a day that the locked chamber is opened, and I’ll take you to cross the door , leaving the chamber?
It remains unknown…

holiday syndrome

2010-05-12T11:44:00.005-07:00

yes, this is a new discovery in the psychology medical field,
which will be a great leap and milestone in human's civilization,
a syndrome described by extremely low self-esteem, loss of goals, leading to a totally empty and meaningless lifestyle or condition, or even starting to hallucinate,
occurred among university students during holidays especially....
a syndrome discovered by me, named by me, and happens to me...
or maybe it should be named upon me?
----> chu hong's syndrome? or tai's holiday syndrome? =.=''
what the hell am i crapping? totally bullshit....
ok.. i am trying to convince myself that i am not the only one who is experiencing this "syndrome"...
haha.. that made me feel better... or am i?
totally hate it, but it loved me so much and start to bug me whenever i had a long long free time.. come on bro, give me break!!!
well, had been experienced in handling it,
not gonna take stupid measures such as committing suicide, hurting myself, eat till bloating, crying, etc...
writing emo blog post will do... trust me...
i highly recommend this to every emo person,
don't take stupid measures, blogging solved it all...
=.='' i'm crapping again... ok i'm fine....
but i welcome any approaches that concerns me... hahaha

had you ever thank your friends for willing to be your friends?
well it sounds weird to do so...
and it feels more weird if someone did it to you...
well, at least it made me think a lot,
that maybe i really need to show some appreciation to my friends...
ok, to all my friends, thank you for still considering me as ur friend, it is my honour and
i love you all!!!
MUACKKSSSSS!!!!

给两位好朋友

2010-05-09T12:08:00.000-07:00

好人不易做。。。
诚实的人也难做。。。
凭着良心做事更难。。。
妳却做到了。。。
或许看起来像在被人耍，被人利用，被人欺负；
或许在人家眼里这样很傻，很吃亏；
但我知道，妳并不傻，而且比许多人聪明得多，有智慧得多。。。
妳只是单纯地想对大家好，想顾着大局，宁愿让自己受点小委屈；
妳只是选择看见世界美好的一面，全心相信妳的朋友，为他们付出了真心。。。
妳让我觉得自己很邪恶，很堕落。。。
不要改变自己，因为没什么需要改变。。
不要听他们说的，我就是喜欢这样单纯的妳。。。
要做荷花，出淤泥而不染，才显示出妳的特别。。。

你有独到的眼光，一眼就能把人事物看得透彻；
你有得天独厚的天赋，任何事物皆难不到你；
你有你的原则，不理睬世俗的眼光，做事都问心无愧；
你有过人的勇气，坚守着你的立场，说出你的不满；
你不爱花言巧语，总是那么坦诚。。。
你铁汉柔情，刚硬的外表下，蕴藏着温柔和感性，但皆不轻易流露在外；
你朋友不多，但都是挚友，都愿意为你付出真心。。。
想告诉你，
世界没你想象的可恶，换个角度看看，它还是美好的；
人从不是完美的，不好的，就睁一只眼闭一只眼吧，放得太大，只会让自己难受，还会演变成偏见哦；好的，默默欣赏的确没错，但学会称赞人也是好的哦。。。
人的力量是有限的，别把一切扛在自己肩上，相信你的朋友吧。。。
天赋是你的本钱，但别忽略了后天的努力，毕竟这才是成功的基石，要知道自信与高傲不过是一线之差。
的确欣赏，很高兴能认识你；一直都把你当挚友，希望你对我也一样

sorry sue, i copied ur blog post... lol

2010-05-01T12:24:00.000-07:00

有一种女孩子在陌生人面前会很安静，很冷漠，
在熟人面前却很放肆，很霸道，
并喜欢一咋一呼的说：“滚，滚蛋，坏蛋，笨蛋”。
不要认为她很粗鲁，她只是很单纯的认为，
大家打打闹闹，骂骂笑笑，表示更亲切，更不分你我。

这一种女孩子不谈恋爱，只在姐妹间游荡
即使有不错的朋友，她还是无奈的笑笑
其实她只是在不能确定自己付出的前提下
不会接受，因为不想伤害。

这一种女孩子偶尔看到街上的情侣时，
也会幻想，也会羡慕，
幻想着将来自己的恋爱
该是多么的帅气，多么的温柔，多么的甜蜜

这一种女孩子，
喜欢和自己的姐妹在一起打闹，大呼小叫。
即使没有男朋友，
在她的世界里，也有她的骄傲！

这种女孩子也会偶尔的忧郁，
朋友问她怎么了她也只会说没事
其实她只是感觉累了，
她只是需要一个拥抱。

这种女孩子不会轻易恋爱，恋爱了一定会好好珍惜。
她会骄傲的拉着他的手大街小逛，
不要认为她放肆，
她只是答应过姐妹们幸福要大家一块分享。

这样的女孩子恋爱的时候
喜欢大事听男孩子的而在小事上调皮，耍赖。
不要认为她太小气，蛮不讲理，
其实在她调皮的习惯里已经为你收敛不少！

这样的女孩子不允许男孩子的背叛，
如果男孩子真的办了对不起她的事，
她一定会狠心的离开你。
不要怪她太绝情，
她其实很爱你，但是卑微的爱情她不要，
她果断的转身只是不想让你看见她滑落的泪水！

这样的女孩子失恋的时候会在别人面前装的很好，
大声的笑，放声的闹。
当姐妹心疼的说：“你没事吧？”
她会放下她所有的骄傲，趴到姐妹怀里哭。
哭完了，苦笑一声：没想到我还会为一个男的哭。

若你遇到了这样的女孩，
如果你们是朋友，请原谅她平日的不理不睬，
其实她只是不会社交，不敢打扰，
你想想你的每一次邀约，她拒绝过你。
如果你喜欢上她，请你不要说出来，
因为她很幼稚，你会吓跑她。
原谅她的冷漠，
她只是怕伤害你！

若她喜欢上你，请你不要在她的世界里消失。
她没有更多的要求，不会打扰你的生活。
她只是想静静的看着你，
当你的观众，仅此而已。

如果你们已经在一起了，
请你好好珍惜她。
这样的女孩子、太傻，
请你别让她受伤。

这一种女孩子就以这样的方式生活着，
她有她的梦想，她的希望。
一个如花儿般的女孩子，
她时而快乐，时而忧伤；
时而郁闷，时而疯狂；
时而邪恶，时而善良；
时而脆弱，时而坚强！
你可以说她傻，也可以骂她笨，也可以说她冷，
但是她们还是生活在自己的世界里，
希望做一个幸福、善良的孩子！

May

2010-04-29T11:55:00.000-07:00

Last day of April, indicates the arrival of May...
May had always been unforgettable,
It had been like that from year to year,

Loved May...
Sunny warm season, flowers blooming..
May had always been emotional...
May had seen my happiest moment, as well as the saddest...
May had seen my first times...
May had seen turning points of my life...
May had given a lot to me, while taken more from me
May had always been chosen for these things to happen,
Maybe they loved May as much as i do...

Not expected much in May this time,
since May had occupy a big part of my memories,
just come what may...

恋爱大过天？

2010-03-31T10:23:00.000-07:00

看太多了，像这样的例子。。。
有情喝水饱。。。
有了爱情，全世界算什么？
眼里只有对方，其他都看不见了。。。
什么价值观，什么主见，什么志向，算是什么，轻易的放弃了。。。
眼睛都被蒙蔽了。。。
对错都看不清了。。。
重色轻友的就不提了。。
很怀疑这样的感情可以走多远。。。
正确的感情会让双方都得益。。。
正确的感情里双方是互补的。。。
不是盲目的袒护对方，不是一味的溺爱着对方。。。
错的始终是错的，对的始终是对的。。。
世界不会因你俩的恋爱而改变。。。
你俩还是活在现实的世界里，不管你俩多陶醉在两人的世界里。。。
其他人还是存在的，生活还是要过的。。。
道路歪了，错了，不及时回头，就无法生存，生命就会陷入困境。。。
困境中你俩还能紧守着那所谓海枯石烂的爱情吗？
到头来什么都是一场空。。。
恋人总不舍得让对方受责备，会心疼。。。
所以宁愿选择溺爱对方。。。
溺爱不代表你很爱对方，是种自私的行为，
因为你只因为怕自己心痛，也不让对方改变犯下的错误，让自己好受些。。。
爱不是做给人看的，没必要表面上向众人表示自己多么支持对方。。
对得起良心就好。。
爱对方就不会让你们的感情变成对方的拖累。。。
都几岁了，还恋爱大过天？
爱情是很美丽的，别把它败坏了。。。

给天下热恋中的人，别让爱冲昏了头，别把其他人与事物忽略了，要保持清醒与理智，
这能让你俩的爱长久，也能让你的生命更精彩。。。

#你们看了接受与否，我管不了，这是我想说的，只说一次，以后不会再说，不会再管。。。

obsession

2010-03-30T10:58:00.000-07:00

Nice medals... they're not mine, but belongs to my roommates... i took a picture of their medals when they are both sleeping.... dun tell them i took this pic... XD.. haha... stupid.
really quite obsessed with the medals, little jealous maybe...
Had never won one ever for my 20 years' life...
well, i started late maybe...
not much time left to win one...
so desperate and eager to have one of my own...
one is enough, really...
not going to find any alternatives or shortcut just to have one...
it is more important to know the meanings lying behind these medals,
i know it and not going to let my desperation to shake my belief,
i want to win one which i am truly deserved for it,
and i can proudly hold it and showing to others...
well, it's hard but everything is possible,
have some faith in them and myself...

闲/忙

2010-03-23T09:45:00.000-07:00

习惯了忙碌，总喜欢让生活充满着大大小小的事物，才叫充实。。
习惯了忙碌，总觉得让自己为某些事物烦着，才仿佛有了人生目标。。。
习惯了忙碌，总是要让自己肩负着些重任，才找到自己的价值。。。
习惯了忙碌，对期待已久的空闲，反而觉得怪怪的。。。

闲了，生活空洞了，目标没了，价值被贬了。。。
慢慢颓废，废人一个。。。
闲了，脑袋空了，胡思乱想了，沉淀多时的事物浮现了。。。
慢慢烦恼，烦人一个。。。

选择了忙碌，倒不如说是选择了逃避。。。
选择了忙碌，就可以把许多不想处理的问题抛在一旁。。。
选择了忙碌，就可以把许多不想面对的失落暂时忘了。。。
选择了忙碌，就可以把许多不堪回首的痛楚麻痹了。。。
选择了忙碌，就可以把填也填不满的空洞表面的遮盖着。。。
选择了忙碌，就有了一个万能的借口，可以逃避一切。。。

要搞清楚，
要面对的，迟早要面对；
多么不想理的，还是要理；
没有根治的，就消不了痛；
不打开盖的洞，永远无法被填满。。。

要搞清楚，
忙碌或许能让生命充实，
却不能成为真正的人生目标，
也不能给予人生价值，
只是一种假象。。。

别在逃避了！！！

i believe i can fly

2010-03-15T09:51:00.001-07:00

i can fly!!!!
FLY....

FLY!!!!!

FLY!!!!
FLY!!!!!

FLY!!!!!!

no.... i cannot fly...

Once had admire those players so so so much,
once had hoped to fly and dunk like they do,
well, the reality is, no matter how hard i try, i can never play like they do

sometimes life is just cruel, as it allows you to have as many dreams as you want, but as life goes on, you found that you have to give some up one by one...
you can't blame anyone for that....
some had never work for their dreams,
some had not work hard enough,
some had worked hard enough but just do not have the luck,
that's just life...

it is always important to be aware of your own position in the reality,
we should appreciate those dreams still remained achievable, instead of mourning for dreams which are lost...

it is time to realise of my position and priorities,
it is time to appreciate of what i had and hold it strongly, not letting it to slip away again
well, i believe i always can fly!!!!!!

the ugly truth

2010-03-11T10:04:00.000-08:00

loved the way you had been so naive, open up yourself without any disguise, had the intelligence of being complicated , but had chosen to be naive, had chosen to see the world from its pretty site with a simple mind, but still had realised how much evils are hidden on the other site ... having guidance in whatever you think and do, holding on to it strongly and bravely... a beautiful heart standing among the ugly truths, wisdom that distinct you from the fools...
recently, have found that you are not as blank as a white paper... well, no 1 is... Stories hidden behind are revealed 1 by 1... anticipated and scared...it is driving me crazy... cannot wait to know the real you...

stucked...

2010-02-27T10:49:00.000-08:00

stucked... after so long, even haven't enter the first step...no progression at all...
have no idea about what to do next,
have no idea about what should be done,
have no idea about what is really the situation,
have no experience of such thing,
have time of about half a year left,
really too short to make things happen...
if you know what am i talking about,
please consult me, or give me a hint,
a CLEARER 1!!!
I really need a guidance

叁

2010-02-23T21:31:00.000-08:00

好像鱼骨卡在喉咙的中央，好像有颗大的石头，好像原子弹要爆炸，我要疯了；再烂再讨厌的人都遇过，骗我背叛我的人也遇过，都不曾如此困扰着我；饶恕真是要用一生去学习，但问题是不曾得罪我的，要我如何饶恕？虽是公认的惹人厌，但真的不曾得罪我，不曾对不起我; 既是如此，又为何困扰我那么久？真的，我活了这么久，第一次也是唯一一次那么小气，对一个人如此厌倦，久久无法饶恕，竟然还拉低自己的人格出言毁谤。。。是我小气？这是我的捆绑，但何时才能解脱，怎样才能解脱？

大家羽毛都长齐了，会飞了。。。不再懵懵懂懂了，有主见了，我那一套明显行不通了，不需要我扶着了，或许是我需要你们吧。。。短短一段时间，大家都学了不少东西，成长了不少。。。我还在原地踏步？是开倒车吧。。。真可惜自己一直不愿放开胸怀，没跟你们一起体验这一切？现在开始还来得及吧。。。希望大家都还存着那份情怀，那种热情。。。我也要跟上你们叻。。。

对太会说话的人，要爱或恨？总是觉得自己被他们骗了，当他们把你捧上天，发现只是却奉承；当他表示有多欣赏你时，其实是要让你有多欣赏他们；当你越来越欣赏他们表现出来的好，却忽略了他们隐藏了多少的坏；当他们用无限的热诚燃烧了你，却发现热诚的其实只有傻傻的自己。。。往往不想把话包装得太美丽，却必须学会这么做，谁叫世人都爱听好话。。。真不明白。。。做么那些傻嗨酱爱听骗话。。。真的希望，也很真的很珍惜，还有人可以让我坦荡荡的说话，不论好听或难听，只要是真心话，不用漂亮的词语，不用顾他的感受，因为他知道真心可贵。。。真的希望，也很真的很珍惜，还有人可以向我坦荡荡的说话，不论好听或难听，只要是真心话，不用漂亮的词语，不用顾我的感受，因为我知道真心可贵。。。

blesses

2010-02-10T09:46:00.000-08:00

Happy to hear that you've finally found your right one,
such a long time never heard a news about you...
However, happy to get this wonderful news...
Sorry that once i had made you to wait for an empty promise,
once i thought i've ruined your life...
hahaha.. seems i had worried too much..
Time keeps to move on and life goes on, whether you like it or not,
so, we should always move forward, not stopping for anyone...
well, all the best to you...

本末倒置

2010-01-20T21:18:00.000-08:00

太乱来了。。。
生活被太多东西充满，或许是好事，让生活充实，让自己学习；
但被这些乱七八糟的琐碎事充满，似乎是本末倒置。。。
其实，很多时候是身不由己。。。
在忙碌中，更该保持清醒的头脑，才不会偏离了正轨，才不会忘了轻重，才不会忽略生活中的小细节。

人言可畏，
选择不信，害怕错失良机；选择相信，害怕被玩弄；
信与不信似乎不太重要，其实重点在于自己的意愿;
信又怎样？愿意又怎样？怪自己不够智慧，不懂怎样走下一步。。。

失败了

2010-01-09T11:02:00.000-08:00

真的，这回我彻彻底底地失败了。。。。
我太天真了，我太自负了，
我根本不是那块料。。。
能力有限，经验有限；
不够冷静，容易被压力击垮；
没说服力，纪律放太松了。。。
无法在适当的时候说出适当的话语
以为凭着一股傻颈，什么都不需要了。。。
我太天真了。。。
我还在垂死挣扎吗？我自爽来干嘛。。。
还要做笑给人看吗？丢人现眼。。。
不过反正从一开始就给人笑够了。。。
从此不理它，活得自在些，却永远抬不起头。。。
现在放弃，期待未来，重来过，感觉会好一些，但似乎不太负责任，好像只是骗自己。。。
咬着不放，却太辛苦了，反正也太迟了

平凡是福

2009-12-29T08:24:00.000-08:00

苏打绿 - 他夏了夏天

词：吴青峰曲：吴青峰

几点钟结束梦他按下闹钟
如往常开始了一天生活
忙工作忙收获早餐吃什麼
他和他维持齿轮的脉搏

汗水在他的身上化成了彩虹
步伐的节奏延续生命的河流
默默在岗位战斗的每个小小英雄
富有和贫穷卑微和伟大相同
他从不害怕自己被人群淹没
中午吃便当是他最大享受

几点钟也许是月出的时候
如往常结束了一天工作
他心中幻想著晚餐吃什麼
家里的让他不怕往前冲

疲累在他的身上化成了笑容
步伐的节奏开始不那麼沉重
轻轻旋转著夏天地面闷热的晚风
平凡或特别笨拙或聪明相同
他从不担心自己被世界折磨
甜蜜的负荷是他最大依托

疲累在他的身上化成了笑容
步伐的节奏开始不那麼沉重
轻轻旋转著夏天地面闷热的晚风
平凡或特别笨拙或聪明相同
他从不担心自己被世界折磨
甜蜜的负荷是他最大依托

带著笑容的睡意化成了彩虹
在他梦中一口气走上了星空
喧嚣地亮起整个夏天渴望的挥霍
清淡与浓烈好与坏他都尝过
他从不介意自己被命运作弄
按下了闹钟开启另一个梦

joshua

2009-12-20T09:04:00.000-08:00

receiving a honour or gift which you do not deserved to... how would you feel? Lucky? Blessed? Excited? Wat if this honour had been a responsibility? i should be thankful for this undeserved gift, but somehow it had been a burden for me... leading a bunch of people in a field which they are much better than u, a bunch of people with great pride for their great knowledge and ability... who am i to lead them? or even inspire them?
Joshua, heir of Moses, the great prophet, was chosen by God to lead the Israelites after the death of Moses. Moses was a charismatic leader with great abilities, making lots and lots of miracles, leading the israelites to escape from Egypt... Extraordinary power and natural ability of Moses to inspire others keep the israelites to follow him. Joshua, in the other hand was much an ordinary human. his ability and charisma were far dimmed compared to Moses, even some of the Israelites showed better caliber... But he had succeed to lead and unite the 12 tribes of israelites, which were consists of great army, warrior, priest and scholar, to win over great enemies...
With strong armies, the tribes of israelites didn't have any reasons to bow under a ordinary person like Joshua... But why are they willing to be followers of Joshua?
This is because, they follow not because of the charisma of the leader they are following, neither Moses nor Joshua, But they follow since God is with the leader, as they see the leader can lead them to the rite way as god wished..
May god be with me as he is with joshua, may god let me be a inspiring leader that let people see the right way, as they would follow the way...

每个人都会 - 方大同

2009-12-17T19:39:00.000-08:00

每个人都会 - 方大同

爱是两人一张绵被
也是一人一瓶清水
都说对
爱是送一百支玫瑰
也是让赤地开花惢
就ok

人间的青草地需要浇水
内心的花园就不会枯萎
把最甜最好的滋味
散播到东南西北

甚麼比 love love love love love 更美
爱让人安心在梦中熟睡
啊 love love love love love 最美
美在每一个人都会

爱是让人感动流泪
也是停止制造伤悲
都答对
爱是为好朋友解围
也是为陌生人破费
就ok

人间的青草地需要浇水
内心的花园就不会枯萎
把最甜最好的滋味散播到东南西北

甚麼比 love love love love love 更美
爱让人安心在梦中熟睡
啊 love love love love love 最美
美在每一个人都会

爱肯付出的汗水爱小王子的蔷薇
爱旅途上的兄弟姊妹
爱所有青山绿水爱所有难忘约会
爱上对爱的体会

只有 love love love love love 最美
它会建成最安全的堡垒
甚麼比 love love love love love 更美
美在只要有心都会学会
不用甚麼智慧只要用心体会
爱让每人都有机会

down

2009-12-03T10:40:00.000-08:00

No… that feeling is rearising in my mind again, i hate this feeling.. a feeling that I fear the most, a feeling that once had been disturbing me for a long time, a feeling that I thought I had been totally free from it… it’s a feeling of extremely low self esteemed, that myself have nothing good compare to others, that I am living in this world as a useless person, living without any contribution… a feeling that my existence is insignificant, which no one would appreciate, which is meant to be ignored.. Maybe they would even live better without me… Maybe someday I suddenly disappear from this world, or die in a remote place, no one would notice as well, or even if they notice, it wouldn’t affect them…
I won’t go for suicide… but I don’t know why such feeling suddenly recurrent in my mind. Believe me, none of you will have bigger fear towards it than me, and I want to get rid of it more than anyone else…
Why would it come back and bug me? Ya… recently, my life sucks… bad news and failures are appearing one by one… well, not recently, my life always sucks… but, once, not long ago, I had been so motivated, having a lot of confidence, that I had a good life, for no reason… now, I miss that well being feeling… Maybe human’s memory would selectively keep those good memories, dumping the bad ones, lead to my paradoxical well being feeling… I had been holding on to my belief strongly, making others as nonsense and foolish… I had been following my own standards, instead of following others, since I had seen inaccuracy and bias in their standards. But now, my stands are shaking, is it too arrogant for me to set my own standards? Or I was setting my own standards, so that it would mask my failure in standards of others… Am I fooling myself?
Maybe i had this feeling because i am too free during the holiday.. haha. Well, maybe I really had nothing to be proud of…

不了解

2009-11-14T17:10:00.000-08:00

这是什么复杂的感觉啊？是心动了吗？不会吧。。。是妒嫉吗？不排除这种可能性。。。或许是不愿服输吧。。。人家有，我也要有；还是抢别人的东西总是比送上门来的有快感？我在不爽什么？又没伤害到自己或任何人，而且这样不是皆大欢喜吗。。。
真的越来越不了解自己。。。自以为很清高，不食人间烟火，不顾他人说的，不同流合污，不人云亦云，也能坚持到底，其实，只是还未经考验，不过如此；自以为男儿志在四方，很志高远大，其实是在做白日梦，空有奇想，纸上谈兵，其实都在混日子；自以为这样叫脚踏实地，其实是缩头缩尾，墨守成规；自以为是情痴，会一直放不下，其实早就忘了；以为看的很透彻，其实是自以为是；自以为很合群，其实很自我；自以为交游广阔，其实都是点头之交。。。
自以为能对自己诚实，其实骗了自己很多。。。

If we love one another...

2009-10-04T09:31:00.000-07:00

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another, By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13:34-35)

If we could love one another, there could be no war and argument, there could be no pain and suffering.
If we could love one another, how good and beautiful could the world be!!!

Love your family, as they are the closest ones to you, as they are the reasons you lived on the earth.

love your loved ones, as they are a part of you, as they are walking you through your whole life, as they are loving you as much as you do.

love your friends, as they had brought happiness to you, as they had walked you through the lonely night, as they had aided you in your hard times.

love your teachers, as they are the ones who filled you with knowledge and wisdom, as they had lead you to the right way, as they had not been letting you to live with foolishness.

love those in pain or suffering, as they needed it more than anyone else, as your love could have strengthen them to get over whatever they are facing.

love the needies and poors, as they had nothing, as your love could fill their emptiness and lacks.

love those strangers who walked pass you, as they are human beings like you and me, as your love could bring colours to their life.

love the ones you hate, as they had been a heavy stone in your heart, as your love have been the only cure for this stress.

love your enemies, as vengeance doesn't have an end but love, as love could bring enemies to friend.

love one another, sounds simple yet difficult, but how beautiful if this world could be a place spilling with love...

朋友

2009-09-26T11:39:00.000-07:00

膝足把酒倾通宵都不足，我痛快过，你呢？
情伤时那黯然孤寂的背影，我心痛过，你呢？
说好了，管它什么狗屁逻辑，硬着头皮，勇敢做梦，就能征服世界，我还相信，你呢？
不识趣的把你惹毛了，三天不说话，但，远在心里，我后悔了，你呢？
你重色轻友，有异性，没人性，我生气了，你呢？
瞒着我，欺骗我，利用我，这一切，我原谅你了。你呢？
你有你的千秋大梦，我有我的美丽人生。。。
你的悲伤痛楚，不会让我哭泣流泪；我的喜怒哀乐，不会让你飞扬左右。。。
咱们离别，不会各自背着眼泪流。。。
或许你就像长江河水，一去不回头，不过是个过客。
不错，人是要向前看的，但不妨回头看看，或许，你会发现，他们不曾改变，也不会改变，
或许你会发现，他们比情人还死心塌地。。。这就是朋友。
生死之交，最佳損友，点头之交，酒肉朋友。。。
无论你是哪一种，大家自由的飞吧！！！

妈，我回来了

2009-08-23T05:01:00.000-07:00

妈，我回来了。。。进入那道久别又熟悉的家门，感受家里的温暖是何等美妙的。那张苍老的脸，经过岁月的撒野，又被划了几道皱纹，望着我向我微笑，更加明显了。。。我怎么现在才发觉呢？

外面的世界很大，时而喧哗精彩，让人流连忘返，时而残酷现实，让人却步想逃。还来不及与妳分享这一切，妳原本上扬的嘴角掉了下来，空气顿时沉重了起来。。。妳虽一话不说，但那飘忽的眼神似乎在狠狠的责备我，责备我变了，责备我变得心机从从，责备我变得败坏堕落，责备我变得爱慕虚荣。。。一个母亲最大的失望与难过莫过于此。。。

妈，妳要相信我！！！我并未改变，只是在外转了一圈，看的事物多了，接触的人多了，自然有了自个儿的想法。世间的险恶未能让我变得险恶，城市的虚华未能让我贪恋。。。妈，你要相信我，我还是妳那个单纯的，傻傻的孩子，以前是，现在是，未来永远都是，无论我以后功成名就，出人头地，或一败涂地，落魄潦倒，我还是我，我还是妳那个单纯的，傻傻的孩子。妳要记得，我可是你一手调教出来的，是妳告诉我，人再穷也不能穷志气，人再成功也不能忘本。。。这些话，我都还记得，永远都记得。。。

现实是残酷的，世界是弱肉强食的，所以做人是该现实些，才能得以生存。生命是无常的，短暂的，终有一天，我们都要归于尘土，世间拥有的一切都是没保障的，也是带不走的，终有一天都会化为乌有。所以，在现实地面对这个世界的同时，请保留着一份单纯给自己，也给最爱的人，否则，或许有一天，你会发现自己忙了一辈子，却什么也没有。

GAY... again...

2009-04-13T04:37:00.000-07:00

This shit topic can be annoying, but also interesting, depending on which position are you standing on. Well, it is quite interesting and entertaining to discuss this thing from the perception of a third person, especially when it is about friends who are close to you. Anyway, it is not a good deed to stab others from the back...
Different people always have different thought towards this topic, but from what had i seen, their opinions can be classified into two extremities. The first was those totally disagree with it, and even being discriminative to it. well, i admit, seeing two guys holding hands shopping together is disgusting enough, what would be my response if they hug or kiss? vomiting? Probably... But some people disagree too much which deviates from what should really hate. Long long time ago, a woman who committed adultery can be sentenced to death, killed by stones thrown by villagers without any mercy, as they had no heart, as they are so noble and innocent, as the woman had polluted the society, brought shame to them, and a human life meant nothing compared to their bullshit nobility... You might had seen this in some classical movies, and had laugh or criticise how uncivilised or barbarian the society in those years... but somehow their mind was no other than that... surely nowadays they can't kill gays for intruding the moral... but if they can they would, i believed... the way they discriminate or set those apart, shows that their mind aren't other than those in the old times... what gives you the power to judge or even penalise others? unless you are totally innocent from the time you were born, in fact, no one can be...
Now, here comes the second type people. These people aren't gay, but they don't object homosexuality... For them, sexuality is a choice, and there is no right and wrong with it, it's people's freedom to love a man or a lady. For them, morality in sexuality is nonsense, an old fashioned thought that only old or outdated people would possess... when you mention that homosexuality is wrong, they might accuse you for abusing other's freedom. They also think that homosexuality is the nature or identity of that particular person, which should let it be the way they are... this thought is common nowadays, and it keeps invading more and more people's mind, especially youngsters, those easily influenced by those bent minds.
So, which type of thought do you have? For me, these two are just too extreme. Ya, i hate and i object homosexuality, but what i hate and object are just the homosexual behaviour, not the people who possess this kind of behaviour... a friend who had aids is still my friend, a friend who kill someone is still my friend, same goes to homosexual friends... I am not totally innocent therefore i don't have the power to judge people... Besides, Everyone deserves a chance... On the other hand, i wouldn't see homosexuality as a nature or normal behaviour. Why? because it is not!!! It was a Abnormality or mental sickness among people, which should be corrected with appropriate ways... Will you see sickness as an identity of a person? Will curing a disease vanishes a person nature? Maybe you'll say some were born with homosexuality, and that makes it the identity of the person... Well, doesn't it mean that it is wrong to cure thalasemia? An objection towars homosexuality without discrimination is the correct perception, i think. A friend always said that my thought is totally influenced by christianity. I don care wat he says... But i believed too much thought of this world is deviated, biased... And more and more people are infected... It is true that people should change their mind as time goes on to adapt themselves to the world. But, it shouldn't had deviated from the standard. sometimes, it can be helpless since it is not easy to change a person's thought. i won't take a bible to the front of a person and say "Lord says, this is wrong and....... blah blah blah......" . It will never work. If it does, i had done it long times ago... There are just too much of those i think was wrong, and i am upset with.. But what can i do as a weak and strengthless human being? or maybe my own isn't correct.... sometimes it is hard to hold on to my own standpoint too...