doubts

doubting the path i had chosen again after 1 and a half years.
i don't really like what i had chosen at the beginning,its all about the money,
but somehow being motivated as i realize how much changes i could make to the world by taking this path, how many people i could save.
Had been willing to bear this responsibility although it would be hard and need lots of sacrifices, but it makes my life a lot more meaningful.
so, i was so sure that i wanted what i had chosen for a period of 1 and a half years, despite marked declining results.
i never doubt my own ability, was so confident that it was my perspective that is differ from the authorities and my unwillingness to give up my stand caused the declining results. Or maybe the authorities were biased. Or there were too much things i had to take care which distracted me from doing well.
i am really doubting myself now. Am i on the right path? First time, i really tried hard with the least distraction and fullest preparation ever, but still get a shit...
sure i can continue this path with my current situation, my life is still secured, probably same with those did well, just lack of little pride.... it wont be a problem if it only affects myself, but in fact it is not. I am dealing with human's life.
besides, really hard to give up my pride, it drives me to do things...
Was thinking to change my path but it affects not only myself, too much things and people will be affected... i can't be so capricious, especially when i had a family that had been in a hard condition for years and needed me for a improvement.
Giving myself one last chance

rebellion

he's not a small kid anymore, he can't be easily satisfied with a candy anymore,
he's not going to obey you, without a solid reason, sometimes even when the reason is obviously present
he starts to fight for what he think is right, although he hasn't truely know what's right and wrong,
he refuses to follow others, he wants to be different,
he's discovering himself...
well, everyone has to go through this stage...
May god fill me with wisdom to play my part in guiding him through this period...

Mr. Average

Yes, i am describing myself...
Suddenly found that i am really average on everything,
well, i am really bad in many things, and at the same time can be better than many in some fields,
but had never been the best...
wonder is there any field that can let me feel myself as the best of all...
Losing myself again....
Arrgghhh.. i hate it!!!!
back to study....

还是会寂寞

早已忘了想你的滋味是什么
因为每分每秒都被你占据在心中
你的一举一动牵扯在我生活的隙缝
谁能告诉我离开你的我会有多自由
也曾想过躲进别人温暖的怀中
可是这么一来就一点意义也没有
我的高尚情操一直不断提醒著我
离开你的我不论过多久还是会寂寞

烂泥

我是烂泥扶不上壁。。。
是烂泥就回你的沼泽，学人爬什么墙壁。。。 妈的

out of sight, out of mind

found that i had lost contact with almost all my old friends, from primary schools to some university... Really, i am the "out of sight, out of mind" type, i wouldn't purposely contact those i wouldn't meet frequently just for keeping in touch.. i won't kacau u in msn, or call u in the midnight , or text u frequently... because sometimes i really have nth to say, and doing this made me felt myself vy annoying... haha... And i wouldn't take the initiative to ask people out, because i hardly find ppl with the same interest with me, they wouldn't enjoy it...
anyway, suddenly miss all my old friends very much.... miss the time we always hang out together.... would really appreciate it if we have the chance to be together like the old times...

hopeless

simply hopeless for repeating the same mistakes;

Well, it doesn't make a difference actually, in fact it won't give much impact, i am still living...

just don't repeat it for another time...