Wednesday, January 5, 2011


doubting the path i had chosen again after 1 and a half years.
i don't really like what i had chosen at the beginning,its all about the money,
but somehow being motivated as i realize how much changes i could make to the world by taking this path, how many people i could save.
Had been willing to bear this responsibility although it would be hard and need lots of sacrifices, but it makes my life a lot more meaningful.
so, i was so sure that i wanted what i had chosen for a period of 1 and a half years, despite marked declining results.
i never doubt my own ability, was so confident that it was my perspective that is differ from the authorities and my unwillingness to give up my stand caused the declining results. Or maybe the authorities were biased. Or there were too much things i had to take care which distracted me from doing well.
i am really doubting myself now. Am i on the right path? First time, i really tried hard with the least distraction and fullest preparation ever, but still get a shit...
sure i can continue this path with my current situation, my life is still secured, probably same with those did well, just lack of little pride.... it wont be a problem if it only affects myself, but in fact it is not. I am dealing with human's life.
besides, really hard to give up my pride, it drives me to do things...
Was thinking to change my path but it affects not only myself, too much things and people will be affected... i can't be so capricious, especially when i had a family that had been in a hard condition for years and needed me for a improvement.
Giving myself one last chance