Keep and throw

Choices have to be made, one person cant own too many things, one person cant be so greedy. There stages in life that you shall not restrict yourself to anything, there is no such thing as exposure to too much things, as everyone is still discovering their path. However, there is a time where people shall move into a stage that choices have to be made, and certain things have to be given up, as life goes on, things are getting harder and no one can handle too much things at the same time, pick those you have the most passion and ability. Seems i extend the discovery stage too long, in fact, i delayed the stages. While people were discovering, i closed myself; when it is time to start making choices, i was just starting to discover. Well, it's time to gave up something, or else i can't reach both ends.
Make choices on things, not people. Appreciate every person that entered your life, never have any thought on choosing who to stay, who to leave, even if they hurt you, because it will never goes your way. No one can act the way you desire always, everyone makes mistakes, no one could stay in your life forever, every friends have a day to part, but the relations always stay, if u never choose to eliminate them. Never choose who to help, help anyone as long as you have the ability to and it's the right thing. People may not give a return, people may not appreciate your deed, people may turn their back on you, but those never hurt, it was your expectation that hurts.

can i kill myself?

Tai ChU hOng!!! What are you doing!!! You think you're so good?!! you think you don't need to work hard? How are you going to live with an attitude like that? When are you going to learn? When are you going to change? When are you going to throw your pride away? I felt like slapping you to death.... please... don't behave like that anymore... you're not a kid anymore, time to take life seriously...

my limit

Felt that i am exceeding my limit. Cant really do anything well. Thank god for always humbling whenever i was about to be carried away.
Had determine to serve god, but had struggled long, for nth bt my own fear... but at least i got a chance now.i shall be bringing ppl to god, bt cant find a way. Its hard to talk such thing to others, especially ur friends and loved ones, while they are those you care the most, and you want them to share god's love the most.
Relationships are a bunch of messes too. I am further apart from my family aond friends. Had no clue on my love life, well its not sth i could plan of. perhaps i still have some unsettled business with it, which was not properly cleared last time, well i cant do anything with it anymore...
my academic performance was a mess too. had been giving shitty work recently. really doubt whether i could i be a competent pharmacist in less than a year time... most of my friends are starting on their planning on career, business , entrepreneurship, whatever.... i seemed so noob on that... really doubt could i even survive the future...
sponsorship things are messes too, left it for long time dy. should be more responsible on that. what kind of shitty head is me? maybe its not really in my ability.
too much shitty to be talked, it woould take days.... just stop here, conclusion, FML

Sorry

honestly, i don't want a second chance, even if i could... It wasn't the same anymore... All i need is a chance to say sorry, and seems i lost that chance again too... No one is replacable, and no one is replacement for another... Don't try to replace it with a similar 1, that will piss me off... Its not a thing that could be made a joke

worthless

  i felt like fool for doing all this... kinda worthless to do such thing, who cares about it? don't dream of changing the world in such a way... i don't need any reward... i just hope people to be a fool like me, that's the only way i would felt being appreciated... ridiculous right???

lost, again

  i am really frustrated, i don't like being in this stage.... i felt really restricted to do anything, my abilities are so limited. Its the time to stop being dependent on others, but still not able to do so; its the time to find your own position and make some impact on others, but still are not sure are you giving a good impact and people just won't listen to you. felt do helpless its the darkest age i think, and i can't wait for it to pass, time please run faster...

not discrimination, yet...

The number is small, but the gap is getting bigger, as people are fighting for their own bunch , superior to the benefit of all, ignoring others. They thought this is unity, no it's stupidity, discrimination, or maybe racism. They are holding strong to their own opinion, not because they think it's the best for all, they just want their opinion to stand out.... They thought this is principled, no it's selfishness, childishness, self-centered. Don't complain that the world is selfish, racist or discriminative.... It all started in that small population,  you had been a part of it, instead of stopping it, you made it a practice, then it spreads to the world, and you are saying that the world is so cruel